Checkout was starving, and the database was bored
I had a theory and a module built to prove it. That’s a dangerous amount of confidence. The theory went: checkout chokes on the database. Get the catalog off the database’s back, and I’d be golden. So I ran it locally. Checkout on its own placed 81 orders a minute. Then we let browse traffic loose on the category pages, every page a cache miss on purpose. 19.5 orders a minute. Three out of every four orders… gone. ...